Book review- You are not listening by Kate Murphy

This read happens to be the parting gift from my office senior cum friend. Even before I began reading it, the book title and I agreed on the single point that listening (through both ears and visually) is required to understand the conversation and the meaning behind the spoken (and unspoken) words. In a world that is glued to the screen and where emotions are getting a reel trend without any real feeling, listening is the rarest of commodities. 

Despite acknowledging that listening is crucial for a successful and fulfilling life, this is yet another trait that has yet to be taught formally in academics.

“At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.

On social media, we shape our personal narratives.

At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.

We’re not listening.

And we are still waiting for someone to listen to us.”

Kate Murphy depicts the problem of not-listening in an elaborate and well-researched manner. She also presents the ways of imbibing the art of listening through examples. The 15 chapters cover an arey of topics, e.g. The Lost Art Of Listening, That Sinking Feeling – The Neuroscience Of Listening, Listening To Your Curiosity – What We Can Learn From Toddlers, The Tone-Deaf Response, I Know What You’re Going To Say – Assumptions As Earplugs, Talking Like A Tortoise, Thinking Like A Hare – The Speech Thought Differential etc.

It discussed many great points about listening, such as why it’s so important, how it affects our relationships, and how to improve. It redefines why it matters we are listening by addressing that people get lonely from lack of listening.

I enjoyed this book during my busy life as I could easily correlate the daily events getting influenced due to attentive listening or hampered by unattentive listening! Because, I believe, the requirement of taking a pause and the luxury of sitting and talking is soul-relaxing.

Overall, this is a great book and one that I highly recommend to everyone. Especially since we are social creatures constantly interacting with others and forming relationships. But we require not a lengthy list of friends but the meaningful people around us who can listen to us and to whom we can listen and be part of each other's lives.

Favourite Quotes from the book-

“While people often say, “I can’t talk right now,” what they really mean is “I can’t listen right now.”

“If you start listening to everyone as you would scan headlines on a celebrity gossip website, you won't discover the poetry and wisdom within people.”

“During many conversations, you get just 7 percent of the meaning from the actual words, which could be typed.”

“If someone is dull or uninteresting, it’s on you. You’re not listening.”

“People describe me as the type of person who can talk to anyone, but it's really that I can listen to anyone.”