Learn the virtue of Delayed Gratification (Advice to my kids)

 

Dear Sons,

Today let me tell you about one of  the characteristics I wish you to develop as I find this unique virtue valuable if you wish to excel in life.

“Delayed Gratification” is one of the moderately dead virtues of our times. We are living in times when instant results and immediate pleasure hold the upper hand and we are kind of dictated by such acts or pleasures wherein the instantaneous results come in handy. However, let me tell you an old Hindi proverb सब्र का फल मीठा होता है which means don't be in a hurry and worry, have forbearance and the outcomes will be in your favor.

I know that this may seem somewhat bizarre to you and the immediate question that might enter your mind “how are you certain whether the fruit of patience shall be sweet or bitter”…well let me explain to you a little.

Remember the times (which are yet to come) when I shall ask (rather order) you to do some exercise first instead of sleeping/watching television with a guarantee of chocolate cake post-exercise. This is called Delay of gratification or Delayed gratification, or deferred gratification i.e. the act of resisting an impulse or temptation to take an immediately available reward in the hope of obtaining a more valued, long-lasting positive reward in the future. The ability to delay gratification is essential to self-regulation, self-control, or willpower.

If you trust me, dear sons, this is the powerful virtue that unwraps the ultimate power of being in the custody of self. You cultivate immunity to the surrounding environments like the peer-group pressure to act distinctly, to follow a particular fashion trait or to watch a specific Netflix series, the rich quirky solutions to finish the school assignments, etc.

See these may be simple pressures but if you don’t know what is good for you or if you are incapable of establishing your firm priorities then, believe me, the storm of people’s expectations and coercion will take control of your life. You will be ogling the Facebook notification or Instagram likes or Twitter followers or some praise from others to provide some meaning to your existence.

Delayed gratification often teaches us that what we want is worth the wait. The people who are successful with delayed gratification are those that can enjoy what they have now but also appreciate what they will gain in the future.

And if you look around, you’ll see this playing out everywhere…

· If you delay the gratification of watching television and get your homework done now, then you’ll learn more and get better grades.

· If you delay the gratification of buying desserts and chips at the store, then you’ll eat healthier when you get home.

· If you delay the gratification of finishing your workout early and put in a few more reps, then you’ll be stronger.

… and countless other examples.

In my personal life, I have devised a rule to work on myself to develop patience for delayed gratification. I call it “DEAR Ekta”

So while I am on a task, be it related to personal life or the office, the self-prep I give to myself is something like this-

1. Set a Definitive Time Frame, Ekta

2. Let’s have Extensive plans/details for execution, Ekta

3. Yeey, an Award for goal reaching

4. Let’s Recharge, Talk to me Ekta (Self-talk)

Like, once I set a target to read a book, a thick one, titled War and Peace, the time frame finalized was at least 2 months (even though I believe that I am a fast reader). I planned to read the book in the afternoons and nights (since those were my maternity leave days and you, my dear sons, were sleeping during the afternoon and night). When I finished 25% of the book, I allowed myself to eat pizza (my favorite and otherwise also kept me at bay to eat unnecessary pizza since I am bound to this task…एक पंथ दो काज़). Sometimes in the middle when the book looked monotonous, I kept hope alive (wink :P) in myself that this classic is worth reading and shall teach me one thing or the other.

I hope you invent your strategy to develop the trait of delayed gratification in yourself and have a robust mind and soul to meet the challenges of daily life while staying on the right track and correct path.

Your Ma.

Trait no 5 – Being conscious is the key to living.

Mantra No 5- DEAR Life!!

Quote from the great mind- “The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success.” – Brian Tracy