Letting Go, Growing Up? (My Old-soul Twinkle)

 

Disclaimer: This series, “My Old-soul Twinkle,” is my heartfelt attempt to capture the endless stream of thoughts racing through my mind. At times, these musings may seem confusing—or even a little "out there"—but I genuinely welcome your counterpoints and insights. Dive in and share your thoughts!



“Jaane kya sochta hai mera dil, tujhko kya chahiye zindagi…”

As I listened to this song on my recent voyage from Alibaug to Mumbai, something stirred quietly within me. Maybe it was the sea, maybe the wind, or maybe that familiar restlessness of a travel-troubled soul. For a moment, I did not want to go home. I wanted to keep moving, to disappear into nature, to become a small part of something vast, silent, and honest.

There was a time in school when I used to write poetry, thanks to an English teacher who noticed that little spark in me. Then came my Hindi teacher, who introduced me to deeper, more philosophical thoughts. My little mind understood only what it could, but it carried those ideas in its own innocent way. I lived in another world then, one shaped by imagination, questions, and a perspective that kept changing as life unfolded.

That little child in me still wants to stay there and never grow.

After I had to let go of my medical dream, something in me broke. Or perhaps, something in me opened. I gave up on the career I had imagined. During graduation and post-graduation, I slowly came to understand that old habits really do die hard, and if they do not, they can make us suffer until we learn to let them go.

And so, I let life lead.

Even today, I do not regret it. But at times yearn for what-ifs, and why not that!!

Over the years, I have given up many assumptions, many people, many habits, and sometimes even versions of myself that I once held tightly. Some people may call this maturing. Maybe it is. Maybe maturity is not becoming harder, colder, or more practical. Maybe maturity is learning what to carry and what to surrender.

Dostoevsky once wrote, “The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”

Perhaps that is what life has been teaching me. 

Giving up is not always defeat. Sometimes, it is faith. Sometimes, it is the courage to trust that what leaves us is making space for what is meant to grow. Sometimes, giving up is not losing ourselves, but returning to ourselves with more softness, more wisdom, and more hope.

So, is giving up the same as maturing?

Maybe not always.

But learning what to give up, when to let go, and still keeping our heart alive, smiles on our face — perhaps that is growing up, maturing!!