Book review - Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell
And probably, that's the reason, that the title of this recent read attracted me.
“Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don't Know” by Malcolm Gladwell – this isn’t the first book I have read by the author. Having already read “The Tipping Point” and “Outliers” by Gladwell, I was more than ready for his signature, journalism-style writing once again.
Gladwell certainly attempts to cover a difficult and far-reaching topic – just why and how do conversations with strangers go so wrong? He gives examples reaching back into history – the 16th century first meeting of Cortés and Montezuma – through to the ill-fated meeting of Chamberlain and Hitler, with other famous incidents and accidents.
“Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don't Know” by Malcolm Gladwell – this isn’t the first book I have read by the author. Having already read “The Tipping Point” and “Outliers” by Gladwell, I was more than ready for his signature, journalism-style writing once again.
Gladwell certainly attempts to cover a difficult and far-reaching topic – just why and how do conversations with strangers go so wrong? He gives examples reaching back into history – the 16th century first meeting of Cortés and Montezuma – through to the ill-fated meeting of Chamberlain and Hitler, with other famous incidents and accidents.
He threw with two puzzles through his writing:
1. Why can’t we tell when a stranger in front of us is lying to our face?
Gladwell posits: “You believe someone not because you have no doubts about them. Belief is not the absence of doubt. You believe someone because you don’t have enough doubts about them.” As humans, we “default to truth” until we have enough “red flags” to push us over the threshold of belief.
He further claims that society could not function if we all were doubting everything all the time.
2. How is it that meeting a stranger can sometimes make us worse at making sense of that person than not meeting them?
Because we tend to judge people’s honesty based on their demeanor – the “transparency” of their behaviors.
Gladwell says- “Well-spoken, confident people with a firm handshake who are friendly and engaging are seen as believable. Nervous, shifty, stammering, uncomfortable people who give windy, convoluted explanations aren’t.” Turns out we are “bad lie detectors in those situations when the person we’re judging is mismatched.”
Which leads to the paradox of talking to strangers:
“We need to talk to them. But we’re terrible at it….and we’re not always honest with one another about just how terrible at it we are.”
This book is not at all a handbook but a food for thought.
The book feels especially vital in an age dominated by e‑talks and screen-mediated conversations. It urges us to rethink how our assumptions shape how we communicate—whether with people in person or on a screen.
1. Why can’t we tell when a stranger in front of us is lying to our face?
Gladwell posits: “You believe someone not because you have no doubts about them. Belief is not the absence of doubt. You believe someone because you don’t have enough doubts about them.” As humans, we “default to truth” until we have enough “red flags” to push us over the threshold of belief.
He further claims that society could not function if we all were doubting everything all the time.
2. How is it that meeting a stranger can sometimes make us worse at making sense of that person than not meeting them?
Because we tend to judge people’s honesty based on their demeanor – the “transparency” of their behaviors.
Gladwell says- “Well-spoken, confident people with a firm handshake who are friendly and engaging are seen as believable. Nervous, shifty, stammering, uncomfortable people who give windy, convoluted explanations aren’t.” Turns out we are “bad lie detectors in those situations when the person we’re judging is mismatched.”
Which leads to the paradox of talking to strangers:
“We need to talk to them. But we’re terrible at it….and we’re not always honest with one another about just how terrible at it we are.”
This book is not at all a handbook but a food for thought.
The book feels especially vital in an age dominated by e‑talks and screen-mediated conversations. It urges us to rethink how our assumptions shape how we communicate—whether with people in person or on a screen.
Our behaviour, and that of others, is not always as transparent as we imagine. Sometimes, we simply need more context and background before we form a judgment.
Quotes from the book-
Quotes from the book-
“To assume the best about another is the trait that has created modern society. Those occasions when our trusting nature gets violated are tragic. But the alternative - to abandon trust as a defense against predation and deception - is worse.”
“Don't look at the stranger and jump to conclusions. Look at the stranger's world.”
“We start by believing. And we stop believing only when our doubts and misgivings rise to the point where we can no longer explain them away.”
“We have a default to truth: our operating assumption is that the people we are dealing with are honest.”
“We think we can transform the stranger, without cost or sacrifice, into the familiar and the known, and we can’t.”
The way you've described made the book feel alive. . . ..Definitely moving this up to my reading list. . .
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